October
Hello Community! Happy October!
It has been a busy and joy-filled month. I have been seeing more clients, beginning with church and travelling across the world for a dear cousin's wedding. I love the counselling space and the freedom it can provide for people to pour out the burdens on their hearts. I am learning that someone often needs a safe space to share without fear of judgment. New freedom, perspective, joy and understanding can develop when this happens.
Regarding my church position, my new official title is "Soul Care Director." I will support our community in developing a greater understanding of mental health practices and how these can be integrated into day-to-day life. Through videos, classes and small groups, I hope to provide a space for individuals to authentically learn and grow their social-emotional skills.
Support-wise, I am still seeking people to join me in financially partnering with me. Currently, I am $900 away from my goal. The Lord continues to give me daily bread; however, I am still looking for individuals who wish the monthly commitment to pour into this ministry. If you are interested in learning more, please get in touch with me individually.
Who is Writing Your Story?
The stories we speak
About ourselves
Our lives
These determine the strength and confidence we carry forward.
This is a lesson the Lord has been highlighting to me this month in conversations with friends and clients and through my inner dialogue.
Take Peter, the disciple of Jesus who walked on water, until he fell in unbelief. Or who followed Jesus and then denied him three times. Who loved the Lord enough to give up everything he held dear, but in moments of weakness, he did not follow through.
I imagine Peter after the crucifixion and before the resurrection. Possibly, the story in his head was, Man, I am such a screw-up; I can never get it right. On the water? I was weak! I couldn't even trust him enough to walk the whole way. I am never able to have enough faith. He said I would deny him. I said, 'I would never do that.' But then I did. How could I be so stupid? I don't have enough faith, I'm weak and unable to listen. Why can't I ever get this right?!
If this was the story Peter told himself, it is being painted with his insecurities and judgements, and how he believes others see him. Whenever our stories are pervasive, persuasive and persistent in one direction, we need to take a closer look at reality.
Let's ask: What is missing from this perspective of Peter's story?
The grace and compassion of God and his enjoyment of Peter.
Our lives don't just delight God when we obey; they delight him because he created us. How do you think God sees Peter? I believe God doesn't look to those moments of failure as much as He does Peter's moments of obedience and effort. When he woke up each day and chose to continue following Jesus on the road – though it must have been difficult at points – he loved the moments of witness, of connection, when Peter forgot about himself and focused on His friendship with the Lord.
What would have happened to Peter if he continued believing he was weak, always messed up, and did not have enough faith? Would he have been able to move forward as a catalyst for the church? I don't think so.
The amount of God's perspective we receive directly impacts the freedom and power we carry.
What if Peter saw himself as delighting the heart of God in his small obediences? He saw himself as brave and full of faith in following Christ. He saw how God delighted in his trying and even his brokenness when he messed up (as when we are broken, we are weak- presenting more opportunities for the Lord’s strength to shine through). I wonder if this perspective is received when Peter meets Jesus after the resurrection. It is a point which catapults him into new hunger and purpose. It feeds his soul with what it needs, seeing himself and his life as the Lord sees it.
Now, let's take it to a more personal example. When I look at the tough parts of my life, the times I've messed up, willfully continued to sin, felt brokenness and coped with it the only ways I knew how, what stories do I speak about these circumstances? Sometimes, my stories are full of judgment and shame. You were a mess, undeserving of people, broken beyond repair. If anyone knew the depths of your mess, they wouldn't want to be friends with you. You were weak and should have known better. We have learned over our lives that behaviour modification happens when we shame and blame ourselves. I won't do that again if I hold the whip over myself and my mistakes. It gives us a false sense of power and control.
The enemy loves to take our skewed, shameful perspectives and limit our kingdom impact. If I shame and blame myself, I will never want to dive into deeper heart healing, take chances, make mistakes, step out in faith or do anything to put myself in that place of possibly being a failure again.
However, if I change my perspective to look back at the complicated and messy pieces of life to think, Wow, I showed a lot of courage in healing during those really challenging seasons. I continued, even when there was a lot to cope with. I showed up, and I worked through things, even though imperfectly. I see how these seasons brought me closer to Christ, showed me more of His grace and how he pursued my heart. There was actually a lot of strength, courage and growth that happened in the mess.
Would this bring greater chances for me to step into the unknown in the future?
Yes!
Does this push me to want to step out in faith now?
Heck yes!
The way I view the story now is that I showed up and did hard things. That the Lord used the hard things to bring me closer to him. It's not prideful to see myself as being strong and courageous in the mess. When celebrated in Christ, it can just be a celebration of his goodness in me!
So, dear friends, what are the stories you are writing about the seasons of your life?
How can you infuse these narratives with God's grace and compassion for you?
What does God see through the lenses of delight that you see through the lenses of judgment?
How might he invite you to celebrate your small moments of strength in your great seasons of wilderness?
God has fantastic things planned for your life – beyond your wildest dreams (go read Ephesians 3). Yet, you may need more of his perspective to step into those things. To trust his truths about you more than what your feelings say. Sometimes, surrender involves submitting to a reality even when our feelings don’t. Holding a hand open and asking God for a new, grace-filled perspective will give you the courage to move forward as you see the moments of strength, courage and power you have already experienced in our Lord.
And a small note to end. Rewriting our stories may take forgiveness and a release of the judgements we have experienced or felt from others (perceived or actual). Your inner shame landscape may have been shaped by the hurtful things other people said about you. If this is the case, taking a new perspective may also require a choice to release these points of shame put on you by other people. It's a step of faith to say, "Lord, I want to see life as you have written it, not through these people."
Another step of courage that can only be rewarded with freedom.
Praises
My time in Canada for my cousin's wedding was a beautiful blessing. Praise God for health, good connections, and the beauty of the internet so I can still see clients even while away. I am, so thankful that my VISA was approved (in record time back to Canada).
The visit to the dentist went well! I felt the prayers of everyone who prayed and went in with WAY more peace than usual. Yes, I also had some Ativan, but the prayers for peace are what did it.
I am $900 away from being fully supported. Jesus is providing one-time gifts now, and I am grateful for the daily bread.
My dad has decided to come for my 30th birthday in November! Yay! Please pray for a great flight, his time here to be good (no jetlag or sickness), and a sweet connection.
I am encouraged as I see clients and interact with the community with the profound need for mental wellness in the missionary field. This confirms God's calling to be here doing what I am doing.
Prayers
I have begun seeing more clients and found this immensely beautiful and challenging. There are a lot of dynamics about counselling I am still discovering how to balance. The amount of internal reflection has, at some points, felt overwhelming. I can feel myself growing but also, at points, feel tired. Please pray for continued wisdom and understanding as I navigate this new career.
Please pray as I work to catch up on work now that I am back in Kenya.
Pray for my ministry through the church as we work to define and refine my role. Pray for clarity and passion for the ways God is calling me to pour into the mental health of our church.
And, of course, here are many photos of this month. It has been a busy but good month between visiting a friend in Montreal, visiting family in Manitoba and connecting with people in Kenya!
