Experiencing His Presence
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. Psalm 139: 7-10
Why is it so hard to experience God’s love? Am I not doing enough? Am I not enough? Do I need to stop sinning or start a new habit? Do I need to trust Him more? Sitting across from a friend over FaceTime, I could hear this heart cry out for a more profound knowledge of God. Scratch that, a deeper experience of Him. This cry echoed a yearning that is in the hearts of many believers to meet and be known by their maker.
Over the past few months, I’ve felt the Father whispering a new idea to me. “Share your experience to inspire and encourage” were the words I have heard in different forms and pictures. My hesitancy came from an awareness of my weaknesses. What if I start to focus on this? What will people think? What if some disagree with me? These deep doubts were met, as always, with gracious, patient love. Every so often, Jesus would bring it up in our conversation, “Hey, what do you think about sharing our conversations with others?” This suggestion was met with hesitancy in my heart. These intimate conversations would be on display for the world to hear, is that really a good idea? Until this morning I finally felt my heart begin to soften to the idea “What if, through this, you encourage one person?” He whispered.
Through this blog, I will share my experiences of imaginative prayer. This is where the Holy Spirit meets me in my imagination to inspire an experience and meeting with God. I’ve met with God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit separately, and sometimes together. Jesus and I talk the most, but on special occasions, the Holy Spirit or the Father draws me to a space as well.
Whenever I speak about imaginative prayer, I equate it to the cold of Canada. Most people here in Kenya know Canada is infamously cold. Yet most have never experienced the cold themselves. They have a left-brain, factual knowledge about the cold. However, I was born into the cold, I’ve experienced the snow slipping into my boots, melting as it hits my socks, the freezing burn on my cheeks, the bone-chilling wind that ignores all layers of jackets and hits you to the core. As Christians, many of us have more of a left-brain knowledge of God’s love. So, how do we experience the love of the Father with our whole minds? How can we be met in our deepest desires and have them be filled with Him?
The Garden
This first interaction happened seven months ago. It was not my first interaction with the Holy Spirit, but it has had the most significant impact. It was during extended worship at church one Sunday evening. Sitting, listening to others singing around me, I closed my eyes and felt my mind drift to Jesus to find myself sitting in a field.
Facing me, cross-legged, smiling this grin which radiates joy; the type of joy that says, There is nowhere in the world I’d rather be than here, with you. His eyes glisten with love as we sit together. My chest feels heavy as I begin to share my burden of inadequacy with him. How I hate the sin, I struggle with, the ways I impact people, the ways I feel I don’t measure up. Comparison floods my mind, passing over people in my thoughts, wishing I could be more like them. I feel no guilt within these thoughts while sharing them with Him. He knows, and he’s my best friend; I want to share them with Him. As I go over my feelings, He listens with an intent look on His face, nodding as I go. As I trail off in my thoughts, He stretches out His hand, smiling as He says, I have something for you.
Taking his hand, we walk together over the fields, up a big hill. Reaching the top, a garden comes into view. The garden covers the top of the hill like icing on a cake. Tulips, daisies, sunflowers, all different colours, a tapestry of hues as far as the eye can see. Looking to Jesus for an explanation, He smiles and points to the far end of the garden. With a watering can in hand, the Holy Spirit is standing there smiling. The fence which surrounds this beautiful place has an opening to my left. A small fence that Jesus unlatches leads me into the surrounding flowers' rows.
At points in these pictures, I have explanations without anyone saying words. I can feel the Holy Spirit speak to me; this garden represents your heart. As she speaks, I have never felt such pride, joy and ownership over anything like this. It was as if, at this moment, I was seeing it from the Holy Spirit’s perspective. My heart, who I am, I witnessed it all from the standpoint of admiration and pride that God felt towards me.
Then, drawing back to my previous heart burdens, I laugh a little, looking at Jesus. But why? I ask, Why do you see this as good? There are so many areas I am yet to grow into. Seeing a small corner of the garden, there is a small patch of weeds and dead flowers. I look back at Jesus. That area we’re still working on,’ He says, but it is so small compared to what we’ve done. Look at the beauty in the garden, the growth, the flourishing. Turning my head to get a full scope of my surroundings, I see the garden truly for the first time. The different colours, the smells, and the sun as it hits the flowers in such a way that makes them beam with vitality.
With the watering can in hand, I watch as the Holy Spirit continues spraying the patch. Turning to Jesus, I am engulfed in His oh-so-familiar hug. His strong arms wrap around me and resting my head on His chest, I savour the moment, looking at the garden of my heart. Reflecting on that feeling of pride and joy, I glance at the flowers as they dance in the wind. I still can’t understand how the Father takes such deep pride and pleasure in ME. But as my eyes take in the garden, my heart can’t help but receive the Holy Spirit’s love for my heart. It’s not just me working to become better, to be more sanctified, or more like Him. At that moment, I came to see how God rejoices in the journey of growing us. The different stages of the garden (our hearts) and the steps to get there. All of it He is doing WITH us.
Our hearts are indeed a work of art to Him.
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